Monday, November 3, 2014

Pithy Pithy Platforms

Nothing can be taken away if I have the mind-set of "Nothing is Mine".

Nothing is mine in a sense of no ownership. Not my house, my belongings, my shoes, my relationships, my jobs.

When I begin to identify "mine" with things--nouns and proper nouns--that is when things begin to go a bit awry. I become attached and trapped. And as soon as attachment and entrapment happen, it is as if the world goes on to show me the false belief of "owning".

I can enjoy and embrace, but never, ever own. Sigh.

The physical world, in my perspective, is as fleeing as the wind. And just as unpredictable. Everything here has an expiration date. My almond milk, my lease, my debit cards,  my body. Nothing will be allowed to come with me to the grave, so why hold on so tight? Why can it be so hard to let go?



The past few months have been challenging, with a lot of big decisions to make, and sometimes with not much time to decide. I feel as if I have been on a long quest to finding a home in NYC. From living with my boyfriend, to moving out to live with friends, to getting evacuated from a landlord with intentions on renovations and $$$, to storage unit 1, to storage unit 2, to the next decision on where to go.

It feels as if every place I have been has been a landing pad. A place to sit, find rest, settle, but not to get comfortable enough to stay. The ground evaporates. Even my shoes on Halloween melted off my feet.

As I left the dance floor, the venue, and found myself on the raining and chilled city streets, my left shoe breaks. I take a few more steps and it breaks again in a different place. It's raining and it's cold and I scurry to find shelter under the scaffolding on 11th Ave. and W 56th St. In my scuffling, my right shoe breaks too. In all the same places as the left did. Both shoes completely busted.

This seemed like a perfect metaphor for exactly what I am learning in my life. Support from the external world has a shelf life. The safety pods hold me just as long as I need to be held, and when it's time to jump, it's time to take off the old carcass, the broken platforms, and jump with a whole lot of trust, love, and maybe some luck.

Have you ever ran as fast as you can in a forest?

A forest with uncertain and unpredictable terrain? Stones, moss, broken branches, logs, stumps, holes. The only way to choose your steps is to just GO. To begin with some momentum, awareness, clarity, and faith. Keep your eyes open and start leaping. A rhythm begins to show itself and there is a balance between movement and choice that becomes much like a meditation. The stones, moss, and broken branches support you for just a moment---and it is enough. It's all you need.

NYC has become my forest. I run as fast as I can, working diligently to stay as clear and true to myself as possible, hoping and trusting the next stone or shoe will support me just as long as I need it to.

I think the bigger lesson here is realizing the inner stones, pillars, platforms, and support systems that are truly strengthened when the outer ones start to disintegrate. My bones and German gusto! But that too will melt in time.

My inner love and bravery. My passions and my dreams.

Remembering that everything I truly, truly need has already been build and secured inside me.







Happy (Late) Anniversary New York!

Last month marked the 1 year anniversary that I re-moved back to NYC. I have never been happier with my choice to come back. In the last year, I have learned quite a bit about the city, people, and myself. I have learned to think smarter and quicker, love wiser, and have as much fun as possible.


A Few Things I have Learned From Living in NYC the Past Year...



1. Auditions and Interviews:
  • The first 3-10 interviews or auditions are for practice (and have served their importance!) After 10, you are a pro. Some interviews and auditions are great experiences and something positive will happen from them. And then some interviews are just buns...
  • When I get nervous for an interview...very good sign...when I am milk-toast about an interview...I know I need to reflect on what I REALLY, REALLY want out of jobs and life
  • Negative people will have negative feedback and essentially will probably be a negative place to work...
  • Can't take things too personally...listen to feedback...take the bits to improve on and trash what you know isn't true.
  • Re-build self confidence from the inside out.

2. Packing and Moving:
  • Buy boxes from Amazon and have them shipped to current residence. They even have boxes that come with packing tape for $15-$20. Super easy. 
  • U-Haul is the way to go. Never pay for movers, unless you have TONS of stuff. $19.99 and $13 for 80K insurance. So worth it.
  • Storage units in NYC are the way to go, if you are gonna dip out and travel. Most places have super cheap 1st months with no hidden fees either! 
  • Storage Units that have free first months rent and free movers are GOLD
  • Everything is fleeting. Nothing is permanent. And that is a very, very good thing.

3. Transportation:
  • I have about 10 different walking speeds. A good 7.5 is a nice stride. I get shin splints if I'm on speed 10 for too long and am basically sleepwalking if I am anywhere under a 5. 
  • Uber and Lyft and all of these new car services are amazing! Most come with coupons and free first rides too! 
  • I have learned to love the subways. They no longer feel too overwhelming...in fact, sometimes I put the train ride in the category of "alone time". 
  • My bike is the best purchase I have ever made here. Helmet, 2nd best purchase. Lights, 3rd.


5. Efficiency:
  • I pre-type texts & e-mails on the subway and send them when I get off the train.
  • I try to live in the present but have the next 24 hours very closeby.
  • I try to have at least 3-4 different functional outfits on my person at all times. To teach, to practice, to go out, and to be comfortable. And have it all fit inside a small bag...SKILLS!

6. Pedestrians:
  • It is absolutely not okay to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to look at your phone. You are a pedestrian and your body is your vehicle. PULL OVER to the side. 
  • May the slow walkers be blessed! 
  • When biking, pedestrians can actually be more dangerous than cars...most of them are looking down at their phones anyways...so unfortunately...stopping, yielding, and slowing down for them has to be considered (even though it makes much more sense to just stop walking their legs!)

7. Intuition:
  • More so than ever, I have learned to trust my instinct about people, places, and situations. If someone is approaching me, I try to read their energy while they are still 10 steps away and decide if I want to be approached or walk away. 
  •  I trust my gut so much more. I try to never question or doubt that feeling. My body tells me more these days too...or maybe I pay more attention to it. If something is not right, my stomach will actually start to ache.
8. Friends:
  • People are busy and have mad lives, compassion works...expectations don't.
  • Friendliness!
  • It takes quite a bit of effort to connect together and make plans...but it's important to stay connected, even if it means going out of my way sometimes. 
  • Kismet and kindred spirits are my favorite surprises. 
9. Self-Care:
  • I work hard, so I need to love hard. And loving myself and treating myself well is super duper important. Getting a massage is one of my favorite things now. Groupon is amazing. 
  • Yoga, gym, and walking are absolute necessities 
  • SLEEP. OMG. SLEEP. 
  • Ordering in. 
  • Doin' nothin'. 
  • Dancin'
 10. Dating the City:
  • To maintain my love, inspiration, enchantment, and respect for NYC, I gotta make dates with it. Once a week is good. Or every other week.
  • I gotta try something new often. Shake up patterns and routines and take advantage of what is here!! Museums, parks, shows, the food!


    It's been a challenging yet rewarding and incredibly interesting year. So grateful for all the experiences I have had, friends I have met, decisions I have had to make, and for the many, many learning curves. Thank you, City. Until we toast again next year!