Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Observations of Pain and Bra Burning

I started this blog as a way of liberating my thoughts, the connections, and parallels I notice in my life. I do feel that when someone does this...liberates their thoughts and views, it will ultimately have to ripple and affect at least someone. Some one or two.

Lately, I have been quite interested and intrigued by the sensing world. Not only sensing as in our intuition but also a very physical experience of sensations. Our ability to sense, to smell, to feel upon our largest organ, the skin.

With our skin stretched upon our bodies, covering the blues and bones...we have every opportunity to feel and experience pleasure and of course, pain. Which leads me to my next area of interest...what exactly is pain? And is it just a perception?

Two of the most profound understandings of pain have been realized when I was indeed experiencing something very uncomfortable, but in that exact moment, I asked myself... "What is it that makes me not enjoy this?...Is this truly pain, discomfort, irritability? Or is all of this my conditioning to thinking that this is pain and that I shouldn't enjoy it, just for what it is?"

Instance #1. I had food poisoning a while back. I was vomiting in my bathroom at my old apt. Very upset stomach. And then those series of questions happened. Right in the moment of purge. My upset stomach didn't go away, but my fixating on my perceived misery did. And at that moment, I thought...this too can be something sweet. This vomiting, ill belly, shivery shaking, can also be accepted into my realm of appreciating my life. I tried to become very intimate with what was happening. Very curious about this body and how it reacts to spoiled or disagreeable food. The whole situation shifted into being something I was bothered by to something I was still bothered by but EXTREMELY intrigued with.

Instance #2: Got a very, very bad sunburn at the beach a few days ago. Maybe the worst sunburn I have had in at least 10 years. Just on my back. It is now peeling like crazy, a shedding of some old skin, which I too find some interest in. The days following the bloody burn, I had to wear a backpack, clothes...skipped on the bra though...which TOO turned into a titillating ( : experiment of liberating myself, and also noticing how New Yorkers respond to the fast paced bra-less walking. (HA!)

But for the first half of my journey walking with a backpack, my thoughts were primarily focused on how much longer until I get to the subway, can take off this pain-pack and find some relief without anything rubbing against my burn. Basically searching the many ways I could not feel what I was feeling. And then it happened again! Some light-filled thought of...try understanding more of what it is to be burned. By something as powerful and mighty as the sun. That kiss from the sun was so super sexy that it burned the hell out of my back. SO HOT that I can feel it days later. And the switch from pain, annoyance, trying to escape...shifted to extreme interest and investigation of the sensations upon my skin. I could feel the entirety of the and cold. Heat and chills. The feelings turned very neutral then. Just something else mundane to watch and witness.

As little or insignificant this may seem, I feel like this is something really, really huge. Something that transcends sunburns and tummy aches. Something that can aid to find peace, deep understanding, and acceptance to whatever it is that comes up to trigger an initial reaction of "Ouch. I don't like this. I want this to go away." Whether that comes in the form of scrapes, bruises, emotional insecurities, ridiculous yoga asanas, despair, bad dreams, burning your tongue on too hot, too sexy coffee.

Only outta love,

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Schedule Searching, NY tight-ness, & Comparisons

Good afternoon, my dear darlings from the big manzana!
Life is continuing to progress better and better everyday here.

Still loving my barista job. As far as teaching yoga goes, I am
subbing a class for a studio that is literally 20 deep breaths (if that) away from
my house starting this coming Tues. And, I am also going to start teaching a weekly class at the coffee shop I work at. Excited about this...should be a nice neighborhood crowd, everyone hopped
up on caffeine...should be able to jump through and jump back quite swiftly.

So, I suppose a schedule is settling in, which brings a little bit of ease to my mind.
Yeah, yeah the queen of "no plans" secretly feels delight and comfort in (loose) plans!

On another note as far as plans go... still entertaining the idea of moving to Austin at the end of summer. Looked at very reasonable $ rooms for rent out of great houses in Hyde Park. Texas won't be so oppressively hot, Austin rocks, and ofcourse being closer to my boo is muy importante. Also, I have some good job opportunities/growth opportunities in store if I shall desire them.

Either way, anyway, I know I will be happy and be making the best possible choice ever. Whichever direction my nose takes me. Anywhere we go, there we are, and joy, abundance, and happiness is right there with us. Yes?

Now, lets talk yoga. I surrendered a bit today. I decided that, until I get really consistent with my practice again, 2nd series is not necessary. Primary is primary and any ideas of boredom are illusions and excuses to not looking DEEPER. New York has me on this whacky schedule of getting allured into fun nightlife, and some mornings neglecting my practice. I am sorry, body.

Also, I am finding in this large and grand city, that there is just more tightness IN my body. Quite a few more obstacles than in safe haven San Marcos. Getting a jolt of panic, tension, or fear happens more often for me here. And my body makes a quick grimace, and then my hips feel tight, and then putting a leg behind my head all of a sudden seems quite unreasonable.

So I decided today, that what my body used to do doesn't really matter. She is still capable of learning anything and everything, with a little more attention to time management and given more love. Comparing then and now, doesn't quite do me any peace. This is it. This is all it. This is my body and my life RIGHT NOW.

I guess, this goes for any other type of comparison. Old room, new room. Old car, new subway. Old plenty, new minimal. Old job, new job. All of it is worthy and beautiful, and I am still being taken care of by the gentle guidance of the universe. So, I guess I can relax now.