Friday, March 11, 2016

Happy 10 Year Anniversary to my Beloved

Dear Yoga Practice, 

Today is a special day for you and I. 
Today marks our 10 year anniversary of finding one another (in this lifetime). 
I cannot Thank You enough, my beloved. 

We found each other a few months after one of the biggest moves of my life (and most important) when I was 17 years old. My first lesson in the magical rewards of leaving a life familiar with many comfort zones. I am not sure what road I would be on right now if we wouldn't have found each other: probably something easier, a lot less honest, and a lot less real. 
Thank you for catching 10 years of tears, laughs, and sweat pools. 

Thank you for watching my fears and giving me bravery to overcome them too. Thank you for being so near when everything else seemed so far. Thank you for greeting me every time I came to visit not with flowers and hugs (which you do that too somedays!) but with reality and humility (most days). 

We met in a Bikram Yoga studio, somewhere you would never, ever find me these days. But that is where we met, so I will always have appreciation. 
Thank you for showing me what commitment and love actually look like---and it is harder and less glamorous than what I thought it would be---but it is always worth it. 

Thank you for being one of the true friendships that watched and aided from above when the relationships that were expiring and needing to melt away gently left my life...including the old versions of myself. 
Thank you for teaching me that pride isn't as important as forgiveness and kindness. And that it isn't what you do, but its how you do it, and who you are while you are doing it.  
Sweet beloved, we soon discovered Vinyasa yoga together and that is the path you have taught me the most on. Oh my, and then Ashtanga. The years of waking up at 4am, to drive 75 minutes one way, just to kiss you and honor you? Those were my favorite years.  
Thank you for the many boons and blessings and opportunities that I have had to show and share with others the kind of love we have---which has only made me love you and Us even more. 
Thank you for so many days of health and happiness. 
Thank you for the acceptance. 

Thank you for showing me the depths of my feelings in Yin Yoga. Vinyasa has taught me to burn, transpire, transform, and reawaken to the endless ups and downs of life, but Yin, you have brought me to my knees, to the ocean floor, of complete and utter...healing. 

Thank you for showing me that all such paths always lead back to you. Back to me. Thank you for showing me that what I think of you and how I treat you, is actually how I have been thinking and treating myself.

Thank you Texas. Thank you Dharma Yoga. Thank you to the Two Rivers where I found a place to voice my love and passion. Thank you forever and ever Sara who made me take a teacher training. And then MADE me start teaching right away. So often we are crippled by what we love and hold dearest and forget to just BEGIN. 
Yoga love, thank you for teaching me that perfection is an illusion and the only thing that matters is how you feel. Thank you for the reminder that feelings do pass. And change of hearts happen. And what comes easy one day---is a complete shit storm the next. ***Garbha Pindasana***

Thank you New York for teaching me to always stay persistent. And for your tough, tough love. And that as much as I would like yoga to live in my perfect ideal dreamworld of love and sharing---it too must be a business and a hustle.

Thank you Yoga Practice for welcoming me back after I have abandoned you. Thank you for forgiving me when I thought I didn't need you---only to return in tears to tell you how much I have missed you. 

Thank you for lessons in envy and jealousy, love bug. When I have envied others, it is only my own self limiting doubts holding me back from having and achieving the life I want. When I have felt envied by others, I have learned that even though it is more comfortable to dim my light-- it is more empowering to stay in my ray of sun, light, and truth. What they have yet to learn is that they too have the handle to the sun. Thank you for teaching me to have compassion and a genuine hope for their own discovery. 
Thank you for the strong body we sculpted together from the inside out. We both know that this body was not created to look well, but to feel well. And sugar, I think we now have both. Love you!!!

Thank you for the lessons in Anger. It is you that I have realized the Power of Anger and what remarkable transformations that can happen because of it. Thank you for teaching me that Anger lives between my lungs, in my solar plexus, and has a heart beat too. I have seen it! And that by working with my anger and letting it have a life too, my core became stronger (literally and spiritually).
Thank you for watching me grow. And grow up. And fall down. And try to grow again. 
Thank you for letting me expand and stretch and try new things. And learn the lessons I needed to because you offered me the space and freedom to. 

Thank you for being my special sparkle under the scenes. No one knows how much we whisper in secret, when it appears that I am just doing the dishes, shopping for groceries, or commuting on the train. You my love have kept me connected. To myself. To source. To the stars. To fate. To magic. 

We are lucky to have found each other. Some people walk around their entire lives with no one to whisper to. 
We do. And it is real. 
 Today I recommit to you 10 more years---I understand it will look very different from the last 10---but I am excited and curious to see how we keep evolving this Love. 
Ten years ago I never would have thought I would be in Germany writing you this thank you and anniversary letter before I go practice at Ashtanga Yoga Berlin. 

Maybe we can travel more together over the next decade. Create more. Inspire more. Love more. Invite more humans, aliens, and mermaids into our mix. Show them how much we can love them by how much we love each other.
Cheers to you my beloved and most important relationship. 
I promise to keep putting in the effort. 
You have always been worth it. 

Yours forever and ever, 

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Barcelona and Awakened Men

I just got back a few days ago from spending 5 days and 4 nights in Barcelona. I stayed right in the central area of Born, near El Gotic district.

It was comforting to hear Spanish being spoken. I am not fluent in Spanish but I know a lot more Spanish than I do German and I felt as if I was closer to home.

I got lucky with the warm weather there and spent all afternoon this past Saturday on the beach. Wearing a dress. In February! Magical Meditteranean Sea bliss.

I felt even more at home next to the ocean.

I spent my days walking, watching, eating amazing Tapas, taking pictures of the Cathedral and Segrada Familia. I went to one of the most famous night clubs in Barcelona, the Razzmattazz. It was a 5 room club with each room playing different music. It was certainly an interesting experience. I even joined a Cannabis Club which is a popular subculture there. It was very interesting meeting people there and talking to the owners about the culture and legalization laws.

My favorite experience of the whole trip was an amazing holisitic/reiki/sensual massage I received. It felt like a gift from another dimension. I booked a massage with what I thought was a female massage therapist one morning.

I arrived at the center to be let inside by a very...VERY...attractive man. With an Australian accent. He asked me to choose a body oil that I would like. I chose a peppermint blend since it was a 9:30am massage. Tea and water were also offered. (And chocolate after the massage!)

We went into the beautifully candlelit room and he left the room so I could unrobe and get ready. I am writing about this massage because it was the best I've ever had in my life. It reminded me a lot of the work I do and expereinces that I have facilitated for others.

So this massage. There was a sense of connection. Of deeply being seen, deeper then my skin of course. It was energetically healing and aligning. He held my hand and we breathed together many times throughout the bodywork. (Again, this is nothing out of the ordinary for me to do with people that I work with, but I am never on the receiving end of this kind of experience).

It was incredible. This massage made me feel beautiful. This massage made me remember how I like to be treated, touched, and of the marvels that I deserve. It made me so grateful that awakened men in this universe exist. Ladies: there are men that are radically awakened. Aligned. Know how to touch and treat a woman. And will make you feel beautiful without saying a word, without touching you sexually. This exists. I had forgotten for a little while, but yes--this exists. It also reminded me of the universal language of Reiki and energy/body healing work. The work itself is the language--no need for words. Therefore, this work can be taken anywhere and applied to anyone who is open to the experience. 

I have had an ongoing conversation with my best friend for a few months about dating, relationships, sex, beauty, love, life, creativity. She is a pillar in a my life and talking with her is always healing and fun. We both have encountered relationships along the way with men who do not have a desire to please women. Let me clarify: do not have a desire to please a woman they are with intimately and sexually--however, this ripples into every other category where a woman can be pleased. Ugh, yes unfortunately...this kind of man exists too. Unforunately, these are the men that have not awakened to the power and bliss of the Goddess Woman. But what this really is, is egocentric behavior. Ego that is unawakened. Ego that wants, takes, and has selfish desires. AWAKENED ego receives AND gives.

Taking is not a part of the Awakened ego, RECEIVING is. There is a difference. You can feel it with your own energy too. When someone receives your touch, you feel more alive and excited to give! When someone takes your energy, you may feel depleted, or a desire to create distance from this person. Giving to them is not enjoyable; it feels draining instead of invigorating. There is also a lack of appreciation of what you are giving.

So I choose to tap more into MY own awakened feminine, which helps me to increase my perceptions, trust my intuitions, and have more awareness of my feelings in order for my life to be awakened. Illuminated. For the path to become more clear. To steer me in the direction of Giving and Receiving...