Friday, May 25, 2012

Life Unraveling and the Changing of Temperature

 Hot day: fast flow, warm, sunny, bright, positive, hot and bothered in a great way.

Hi all. I am enjoying NYC a lot. A LOT. I feel like I have experienced so much in very little time. Cool art openings. Lots of navigating. Took a hiking trip upstate.

Life unravels quickly here. It's great. 3 days after I got here, I had an interview at Pushcart Coffee...2 days later I was hired...and then a day later I started training. And today I had my first full shift. I'm excited about the Stumptown coffee tour and training I will get to do in Brooklyn soon. Brooklyn Brewery tour will be soon too. Not work related, however.

Everything is so damn local here! I learned today that the gentleman that makes the ice cream we sell in the shop lives in the neighborhood. That's amazing!

Also, I get to make a trip up to Harlem next week to finish a NY food handlers permit. I organized it, so I can also go to the Bronx Zoo (which is free that day).

There is so much to be inspired by here. Finding space and time to express it is the test.

Things I am learning:
-My happiness has little to do with location. I think I could go anywhere and be happy.
-There are people here that remind me of people from Texas and home. And it makes the world feel united and small. And maybe we don't vary as much as we think we do from others.


Cold day: bitter, blue, little flow, raising voice, cursing lots.

The writing above was from yesterday. Yesterday was much more optimistic. Today tasted a bit sour, stale, and stagnant. Another side of the city, or maybe just life.

I found out today that I am actually not graduated. To save time and energy, I will just say that I am 3 hours shy of graduating. This should have been brought to my attention months ago from my adviser, whom I met with a few times...whatever...I actually never want to talk about this again until I finish that last class...

So now I am in a process of trying to take a special problems painting class via correspondence. I will know shortly if it will work out.

If anything, I think I realized my agony of the idea of having to move back and finish up 1 semester. A chapter is pending here. Today was a day of utter discouragement, pride shattering, and a few troubleshooting strategies. And realizing how much I really do like it here.

I also realized that being around people I love when I am angry, is awful. But this also makes me ask why I or WE try to hide the really fiery emotions? Carl Jung reminded us of our shadow selves, and the many avenues of good lessons and light that can pass through when we look at our shadows in the eye, sword in hand, and get to work.

I'm still in the blindfolded in the dark phase and cannot really see the benefit or wisdom of this particular obstacle. At least yet.

So today I just let myself be mad and did what I could to remedy it. Anger and tears of frustration. I can still feel the steam under my skin.

Yet again, I will just trust it. ALL of it. Surrendering whatever I need to. Okay, fine. I will relinquish control, and just watch.

No comments:

Post a Comment